In The Hands of Cheeky Devils
by drippingwithsin
Summary: Turning away a beautiful older woman is a very difficult thing to do. Turning away two older beautiful women, well, that's just bloody impossible.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Emerald orbs peered out from the main office's window to the vast lush green campus below and Headmistress McGonagall let a smile grace her lips when she spotted a familiar young professor giving a very intense lecture to a third year Slytherin. Any other Headmistress/Headmaster would have gone down to question what all the fuss was about but there was no doubt in her mind that the child most likely spat off some unnecessary derogatory remark pertaining to the Transfiguration Professor's blood status. They always did at one or another point even though the young witch had been here for several months and had made a name for herself as being the 'laid back' one. Nevertheless, Hermione Granger was and never be one to shy away from standing up for herself.

The door to her office clicked opened then shut and Minerva didn't have to turn around to know who it was when a mixture of healing potions and floral perfume hit her sensitive nostrils.

A pair of arms circled around her followed by a warm body pressing into her back. "Ah, I see Professor Granger is giving one of her famous lectures again. Who is it this time?" Poppy questioned, her heated breath hitting Minerva ear in gentle puffs.

"Bianca Whetstone." The Headmistress replied, amusement lacing her voice and behind her, a knowing snort sounded. Both knew that name all too well; for that particular name had dripped from their friend's tongue like acid of lot here lately. The young pureblooded witch had been giving Hermione a Tartarus of a time ever since she arrived at Hogwarts from Germany a month ago.

"You'd think with all those lectures and detentions that Ms. Whetstone would have learned by now."

"Aye, though, I suspect the girl might very well fancy our Hermione."

"Whyever would you suspect that? She has been nothing but horrid little harpy to Hermione for months now."

Minerva's lips tugged upward into a knowing smile. "Exactly." She then turned around to face her wife and her smile widened. Despite the years of double shifts and nonstop patients the other witch aged gracefully into the beauty before Minerva now. Pale skin, clear and nearly wrinkle-less was always so deliciously soft beneath Minerva's fingertips. Long mahogany hair though beginning to grey in places was shiny, healthy and thick. And lastly her eyes blue as the sky above still held that cheeky sparkle from her youth that never failed to melt Minerva's heart of stone.

Minerva watched fondly as Poppy pondered on the tidbit of information for a moment before a smile crept across her face that mirrored Minerva's own. "Oh I see, it's like a boy tugging on a girl's hair then isn't it?"

Minerva hummed in confirmation as she walked over to a not so secret liquor cabinet hidden on the far side of her desk.

"Well, I can not say that I blame the girl. I mean, Hermione is a kind, gentle, beautiful woman after all what daft fool wouldn't fancy her?"

Placing a bottle of fifty-year-old firewhiskey and two tumblers onto a side-table, Minerva let out a small tinkling laugh. "Speaking for yourself, my love?"

The other woman's eyes twinkled with mirth. "Perhaps."

"Tart," Minerva quipped, pouring them two generous helpings of the strong liquor. "As if you could handle such young thing."

Poppy frowned a bit though something glinted across her face. "I don't see why not when I can handle you just fine."

"Oh really." Minerva turned with a tumbler clutched in each hand and rose an eyebrow in challenge. "I seem to recall a certain healer passing out last night midway through a tryst against the wall." She walked over then handed her wife a glass.

Poppy's sky-blue eyes narrowed but the slight tilt of her lips gave away her playfulness. "Yes, well, perhaps the healer was just too exhausted to play with her pussy."

Thin pink lips fell agape. "Patricia Ann Pomfrey!" Minerva admonished. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Whut?" The healer feigned innocence.

"You know very well 'whut', you little imp."

Poppy put a hand over her heart and gasped as if scandalized. "Why, Headmistress McGonagall, what a dirty mind you have."

"Me!?" She walked over and thrust a glass in the other woman's hand. "You're the one with the filthy mind here."

"You know you love it, babe." Poppy gave her a saucy wink over the top of the tumbler held to her lips.

"Oh for the love of-" Minerva rolled her eyes heavenward. "Remind me again why I married you." She said taking a healthy gulp of her drink.

Without missing a beat the cheeky witch replied. "Because I'm a fantastic shag."

Firewhisky went spraying out of Minerva's mouth all over her and the floor. Needless to say in the next few moments Poppy found out just how fast an enraged cat could run.

* * *

In the dining hall, Hermione trudged over to the staff table and uncharacteristically plopped down in her usual spot beside Poppy with a groan. "Bloody hell." She said sounding more than a little like a certain Weasley Minerva knew and looked over to the flying instructor. "Ro, please tell me you have a bottle of firewhiskey handy."

"Rough day, Professor Granger?" Minerva questioned her eyes sparkling and lips quirking in amusement.

Hermione darted her gaze over to the Headmistress, face full of ground in agitation. "To say the least, I swear if there ever was a child I've wanted to strangle it would be Bianca Whetstone."

Minerva's mouth dropped open. "Hermione!"

Seeing her mentor's expression, Hermione pinkened with embarrassment and muttered a halfhearted apology.

Poppy snickered as she patted the younger woman's arm. "Oh, don't let Minerva's scandalized look fool you if I recall correctly she said the very same thing a time or two about a one Ms. Pansy Parkinson."

The headmistress darted her eyes away from Hermione over to her wife and glared in a look that screamed 'shut up'.

Hermione chuckled at both the Poppy's comment and Minerva's reaction. They really were silly at times. "Well, I can't say that I blame Minerva one bit I mean you've met that bitch faced troll from hell, haven't you. Circe only knows how she managed to make it through Hogwarts without being murdered in her sleep."

A moment of complete silence passed before peals of laughter broke out across the staff table causing a number of students to look over with faces scrunched in puzzlement.

Once the giggling died down though, Minerva scowled at the lot of them. "That wasn't the least bit funny."

Although directed at them all the sternness in the older woman's voice made Hermione shift eyes downward and blush like a freshly chastised school girl.

It was in that time, however, that Irma of all the people at the table decided to defend the younger woman. "Oh lighten up, Minerva. Hermione didn't say anything that wasn't true."

They all raised their glass in mock salute. "Here! Here!"

Minerva scowl deepened but this time her lips twitched. They were all truly ridiculous. Truly, completely, ridiculous but Godric how she loved them so.

* * *

Later on, after all the students were accounted for and were in bed. Minerva trudged into her quarters where her wife was already fixing themselves a couple of tumblers. Upon hearing the door open and close followed by the familiar gait of Minerva's footsteps Poppy turned and smiled at her. "Thank goodness today's Friday eh Minerva."

"Aye, now give me my drink before I wrestle it from you, woman." She walked over and sat reclined against a plush distressed leather couch.

"My such a grouch this evening." Poppy said as she brought her a glass of Scotland's best. "What on earth happened to you between dinner and here?"

Minerva took a long pull of the strong liquor then replied. "Umbridge is what happened."

Poppy scrunched her face in disgust as she plopped down beside the other woman. "That toad is still around? I thought she'd since moved to the muggle world after that horrific centaur incident." She shuddered at the mention of it, having been the head healer at the time she'd seen things that night that could never be unseen.

"I thought she did too but apparently she came back something about tying loose ends or what have you. I don't know, anyways she was in my office hem hemming and droning on and on about changes, rights, and rules when guess who enters my office."

Poppy thought for a moment then smiled. "No."

"Oooh yes." Minerva smiled and eyes twinkled devilishly. "When our Hermione strode through those doors and the two of them locked eyes I swear I thought I was watching one of those muggle nature specials on how a lioness stalks her prey because Hermione looked seconds away from leaping on the wretched woman with claws unsheathed."

"Goodness, how in Godric's name did you defuse that situation?"

"Well, before the toad managed to say something that would've no doubt gotten her killed I hastily interrupted and did what I do best in a situation such as that."

The other witch grinned cheekily and pointed at her. "You lied your arse off, didn't you?"

Instead of scowling at the accusation Minerva merely nodded. "I lied my arse off so now Hermione should be here," She squinted over at the old-fashioned coo-coo clock on the wall. "any moment now for our 'meeting'." Minerva looked back at her wife, face softening a bit. "I hope that's alright."

Poppy snorted and waved her hand dismissively. "Of course it is, plus it will give me a chance to get her side of the story." The healer clapped her hands together in exaggerated excitement earning an eye roll from her wife.

And as if on cue the heavy oak door to Minerva and Poppy's chambers swung open revealing the woman in question with her usual Cheshire grin in place. "Evening ladies, I hope you two have a full bottle ready for me."

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **AN** : I know Patricia Ann is not Poppy's name in the book but Poppy just seems like more of a nickname to me. She's not shown that much in the books so it gave me a bit of free range with her character so I modeled her after a very cheeky brit one who we all know and no doubt love I give you a hint: She is such a dame.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The three women settled in with stiff drinks in hand, Poppy and Minerva reclined languidly on the lounge whilst Hermione went practically boneless in the matching recliner. "Sooo," The healer turned to Hermione with a mischievous knowing smile creeping across her face. "I heard you had a run in with Dolores earlier." She accused earning an eye roll from Minerva.

"Ugh," Hermione scrunched her face in disgust."Don't mention that creature's name whilst I'm sipping on good whiskey," She smacked her lips a bit and frowned."ruins the flavor."

"Oh come on, Hermione. Won't you tell me what happened? Minerva did but I suspect she's leaving out some details." Poppy prodded her voice borderline whinny.

Minerva scowled at the accusation. "I most certainly did not."

"Don't lie, it's unbecoming." Her wife chided without even turning around and in consequence not seeing flesh-eating death glare the back of her head received.

"Now whyever would you suspect that?" The younger woman questioned her voice a little too innocent for the elder witch's taste.

Eyelids narrowed into suspicious slits as Poppy leaned forward into her seat closer to the young woman. "Because I know the both of you all too well. And I also know you two wouldn't miss a chance like that to get back at the toad."

Chocolate eyes rolled as a Cheshire grin spread across thin pink lips."Alright, alright, don't get your knickers in a twist, I'll tell you." The younger woman chuckled and commenced recounting the events which differed from Minerva's version in that the Headmistress seemed to have conveniently left out the part where Hermione and Delores got into a subtle verbal smackdown. In that, it included thinly veiled insults and dagger-like glares until finally Hermione snapped and called the woman a string of obscenities that would make even a deatheater blush.

Hermione got up to top off her drink. "I don't know why that she-bitch has it in for me so much. I mean I honestly haven't done a single thing to her."

Saying not a word, Minerva reached over sat her own glass down on the side table then turned to the young woman and gave her a queer pointed look. "Um, Hermione dear, as much as I hate to point this out, and I really do, you did leave the woman with a herd of lonely randy male centaurs."

"Yes, well," She whirled her now full glass in her hand."even before that she had it in for me for some reason or other." Rambling off the last bit she made her way back to the chair and plopped down.

"Maybe she fancies you." Poppy chimed in her voice nonchalant, but eyes were twinkling with mischief.

The two other witches' faces twisted in both horror and disgust. Umbridge lusting after anyone was more frightening and disgusting than a nest full of breeding Acromantula.

"Merlin's ass, woman! Are you trying to get me to sick up all over Minerva's good carpeting?" Hermione burst out her face drained of all it's color.

Poppy shrugged. "It's plausible."

"What!" Hermione nearly screeched. "You can't be serious!"

"Well, she's always picking on you, isn't she? Sounds like playground _love_ to me." The healer explained with laughter nearly bursting at her seams.

The brunette just stared at her in aghast.

"Oh don't be disgusting, Poppy." Minerva chastised, appearing a bit green herself. Even the mere thought of that woman laying one of those link-sausage fingers of hers on Hermione's person was enough to make the usually regal woman lose her ginger newts.

"What? It may very well be true." She half-heartedly defended herself before turning back to Hermione. "Yes, perhaps next time you should wear one of those naughty muggle school uniforms that way she'd be too flustered to even remember your blood status."

"I'd rather swim to Azkaban and give a dementor a big wet one right on the lips than have her lay so much as a finger on me." Hermione declared and meant it. She'd take death any day over being at Dolores Umbridge's mercy.

The two older witches chuckled.

"Anyways enough about that woman what are you twos plans for tonight?"

They furrowed their brows in thought before the Headmistress finally answered for them. "Not really anything, I'm afraid."

...

"I know." The healer clapped her hands together, smiling. "Let's get royally pissed."

"Oh for Godric's sakes, Poppy, any excuse for a nip." Minerva admonished, rolling her eyes.

The healer reached over and gave her wife a playful smack on the thigh. "Hush you." She then turned to Hermione, crystal blue eyes twinkling madly."Perhaps some liquor will do her some good, eh Hermione?"

Hermione giggled girlishly."That it might."

* * *

They chatted, laughed, and slowly drank the night away.

"Alright, alright, I got one." Hermione slurred a bit as took another gulp of the strong liquor. "Which one of the Black women would you shag?"

Without missing a beat Minerva surprisingly answered first. "Narcissa."

The other two women nodded and lifted their drinks a bit in salute to the choice. The youngest Black's heart was as cold as Millicent Bulstrode's bed sheets but Merlin, was she hot in the looks department.

"What 'bout you, Poppy?"

The healer shrugged. "Same." Truthfully though she would've chosen Druella if said woman was still alive and if the mere mention of her didn't raise Minerva's hackles. Poppy might be a cheeky witch but she wasn't stupid. She did, in fact, want to be able to shag her wife in the coming days.

"And you,'Mione?"

The young Transfiguration Professor flushed and whispered something underneath her breath.

Poppy eyebrows furrowed in question. "What was that, dear, what did you say?"

"I said, I've already had one." Hermione muttered in a voice just high enough to be audible.

Minerva nearly spat out her drink whilst Poppy's eyes widened in shock. "Whut? Which one?" They both simultaneously cried out. Bedding one of the infamous Black sisters was something unheard of. Well to be more specific, the coming out of the arrangement unscathed was unheard of because just like their name suggested their bedroom activities usually ran dark.

The younger woman's face reddened even more before she muttered out a meek. "Andromeda."

Both older witches were completely shocked by this. They would have guessed Bellatrix before the sweet, meek, white sheep of the Black family; Andromeda.

Hermione sighed as she whirled her drink thoughtfully. "It was just after the war. She'd just lost most of her family and I was well..still figuring out a few things about myself."

A moment of silence passed.

"Sooo," A mischievous smile spread across Poppy's face. "How was she?"

"Poppy," Minerva drawled out as she shot her wife a reprimanding glare.

"It's alright, Minerva." Hermione's face reddened and she gnawed on her bottom lip. "It was quite lovely actually. She was very kind and gentle and more than a little patient with my clumsy fumblings."

It was the expression on her face that gave it away still Minerva couldn't help but ask. "So she wasn't just a one night tryst. She was your-"

The youngest woman nodded in confirmation. "She was my first."

"Well, better her than that loon Bellatrix." Poppy declared out of nowhere and Minerva nodded in agreement. Which was beyond true, Bellatrix was anything but human when it came to intimate relations she was a demoness in disguise with tastes that would even make Voldemort pale with horror, their Hermione wouldn't stand a chance.

"Oh, she tried." Hermione admitted, suddenly finding the bottom of her glass the most interesting thing in the world.

The Headmistress' eyes narrowed into slits and her voice lowered into a dangerous tone. "What do you mean tried?"

A tired sigh and Hermione's lips thinned. "Let's just say she got a bit frisky with her questioning."

"She didn't." Poppy breathed as she put a hand over her lips, thinking the worst. And over to her right, onyx claws unsheathed from Minerva's fingertips and pierced through leather like margarine seconds before a low growl rumbled from her chest. The woman better hope to Merlin above she hadn't touched the girl or they'll be hell to pay.

"What?" Hermione questioned, lifting her head and finally noticing their expressions. "Oh no, no nothing like that thankfully it didn't get farther than a tit grab before the boys burst in."

Both older witches' face fell in relief and the young professor had the strongest suspicion that if she'd said yes that the both of them would've no doubt back-stroked their way to Azkaban themselves to murder the dark witch in her sleep.

Poppy's sky-blue eyes twinkled and lips broke out into a lopsided smile. "Alright, my turn."

Minerva pinched the bridge of her nose over her glasses. "Oh sweet Circe, here we go."

* * *

After a few more ridiculous rounds of 'who would you shag?' they found out that if somehow forced into a situation where they had to choose a Weasley, Ginevra would the most logical choice given the fact that all three women in this room were gay. Also, they found out that unsurprising Hermione would choose Minerva out of all the Hogwarts staff to shag if given a chance. Which caused Poppy to scowl/pout petulantly and the Headmistress to look irritatingly smug for the better part of an hour. Nevertheless, when the question rounded upon the two older women they both chose Hermione. Who right now's face bore the mirror image of her mentor's.

"And if I have to confiscate one more of those blasted intelligent tellyphones I'm going to scream."

Hermione burst out into a fit of giggles at Minerva's declaration. "Minerva, it's a smartphone and you best be getting used to them. I haven't seen a teenager yet who doesn't have one glued to their eyeballs."

"Don't you have one?"

"Well, yes but in my defense, it's to keep in touch with my muggle side of the family." The fact that she was addicted to Candy Crush and Hay Day didn't need to be brought up. They wouldn't know what she was talking about anyways. Hermione concluded.

Closer to the young with Poppy was strangely quiet and was squirming restlessly in her seat. "Bloody muggle liquor." She swore and jolted from her seat before making a beeline to the loo.

Minerva rolled her eyes but when the healer left the room she settled them on the younger woman. "Hermione, may I ask you a question?"

Had it been Poppy who asked Hermione would have immediately blurted out a short but firm 'no' but given that this was her mentor, a woman she'd known for years, she didn't see why not. "You may."

"I couldn't help but notice your expression earlier when we mentioned the Weasleys and I was merely wondering what had happened?"

At the mere mention of the redheaded clan, Hermione's stomach turned and churned unpleasantly as her lips fell into a deep frown. A few years back she had a massive falling out with them yet told nobody as to why.

She let out a woeful sigh and begun. "During the war, Ronald kissed me."

Minerva's face soured immediately. Anybody with half of mind could tell that Hermione was gay by a hundred paces. The way those chocolate eyes seared into a women's chest and curves like they were created out of big juicy steaks. Honestly one had to blind, deaf and dumb not to recognize the signs. Of course, this was a Weasley they were talking about and compared to everybody else Grawp had better observation skills.

"I pushed him away of course but I suppose in his mind that made us a couple so he began to pursue me." Her face twisted in agitation. "Relentlessly."

Minerva's frown deepened just as Poppy walked back into the room. "What is it? Why are you two-Shh," The healer furrowed her brow in confusion but went and sat down nevertheless.

"Well, after so long I just snapped and outed myself." A pause and a deep breath. "In front of the entire Weasley clan."

"Oh, Hermione." The headmistress gave her protege a sympathetic look. To be gay is one thing but to actually out one's self is a whole other Quiddich game. There has to be a level of trust and familiarity with the persons or it could go extremely bad.

Catching onto the conversation rather quickly, Poppy was the first one to ask. "And how'd they take it, love?"

"They all just sort of blew up. Calling me names, accusing me of being a tease, and Merlin knows what else. I stormed out shortly afterward when yelled out that I was a tart."

The two older women sat there in shock. Who would have bloody guessed that the known enormous family of blood traitors and Gryffindors were nearly all homophobic. Honestly, hypocritical much?

Their expressions suddenly turned thunderous at the thought of their young friend being hurt.

"Even if you were straight, dear, you could do a whole lot better than Ronald Weasley." Minerva declared her nose crinkled as if she'd smelled something bad.

"And ta hell with Molly Prewett and what she has to say. Woman's just pissy 'cause she stayed pregnant for twenty years straight." Poppy added, puffing out her chest in anger.

Hermione couldn't help it, she threw her head back and laughed heartily which prompted the other two witches to do the same.

* * *

"Oh come on, Minerva, say it."

"No."

"Please, just once for me."

"No."

"You're wasting your breath with that one I've been trying to get her to say it for years now." Poppy chimed in whilst smiling broadly into her drink.

The younger woman ignored her and ruthlessly continued her pursuit.

"I'll help you with this year's expense report."

"No."

"I'll handle all your first year dealings."

"No, now stop asking."

"Please, just once."

The headmistress shook her head.

"Just this once and I'll never ask you for anything ever again." Hermione declared giving the other woman her best puppy dog expression with chocolate eyes glistening and everything.

Minerva just stared at her for a moment watching as a plump bottom lip slowly began to poke out to form the most adorable little pout she'd ever seen."Oh for the love of-fine!" She threw her hands up in defeat then took a deep breath and with her face deadpan said. "Fuck."

A girlish squeal followed by peals of laughter.

Emerald eyes rolled heavenward and Minerva let out an exasperated huff. "You two are mental! I swear sometimes I wonder why I even bother keeping company with the both of you."

"That's 'cause you love us, dear." Poppy teased before leaning over and giving her a big wet one on the cheek, prompting a grimace from Minerva and another fit of giggles from Hermione.

* * *

Dizzy from the alcohol and merriment, Hermione squinted at the wall clock and groaned. It was past her bedtime. Way past her bedtime. When did she become old? She used to could stay up with the best of them now, though, nine 'o clock hints she's ready for bed. "I best be off." Hermione sighed out as she rose up onto two unsteady feet.

"Leaving so soon, dear?" Poppy asked, looking a bit dishearted.

"It's after midnight, Poppy." Hermione stated with a small smile.

The healer squinted over at the clock. "Oh, so it is." She giggled rather girlishly.

She rolled her eyes and her smile grew larger. "Well goodnight, you two."

"Night." "Good night, dear." They said in unison.

Hermione gave a slight nod and went to make her way to the exist but in her drunken state, all the coordination of limbs seemed to have abandoned her. Feet and legs crisscrossed in a fawn across ice like way that sending the brunette arse over elbows sideways right onto the occupied love seat.

"Umph." She landed on something hard yet soft and the unique combined scent of healing potions, floral perfume, and parchment entered her nostrils.

Cautiously, Hermione lifted up her head and blinked her blurry eyes only to have a pair of mischievous sapphires come into view. "Well hello there, Professor Granger."

 **TBC...**

* * *

 **AN** : This chapter here gave me a well..devil of a time but I hope you all enjoyed it. Note that even in other stories I haven't the heart to kill Bellatrix off, ha. Also, somebody got it right Poppy is modeled after the one and only Judi Dench. I watched an interview a while back that contained the two of them(Maggie Smith/Judi) and thought they were so adorable together.


End file.
